You Don't Even Know Who I Am Anymore
by Lady Suneidesis
Summary: A songfic about Peter Parker. How much has Spiderman robbed from him?


Ok, disclaimer stuff first. Obviously I don't own Spider-man or any of those characters. They belong to Marvel. And the song is by Mark Shultz on his CD Songs and Stories. The words in italics are lyrics.

* * *

MJ looked up from the dishes when she heard the door slam. She dried her hands on a towel and walked down to the landing to see her husband. "You're home." Her voice was tired and she spoke wearily.

Peter smiled at her and kissed her cheek lightly. "I told you I'd make it home before midnight."

"_It's cold outside"_

_I heard her say._

_She was staring out the window_

_as I came home late._

"Don't you remember what day it was today?" she asked, the hint of hope in her eyes threatening to be overwhelmed by sadness. Peter raked his brain, desperately trying to remember what he had apparently forgotten.

MJ didn't give him much time, realizing he didn't remember. With a disappointed frown, she returned to the kitchen. Peter hurried after her, dropping his coat on the floor. "MJ, honey, what is it?"

As he entered the kitchen, he was startled to see that she was crying, tears soaking into the already drenched the dishtowel in her hand. She had been crying for a while. Gathering his wife up in his arms, Peter hugged her gently. "MJ, what's the matter?"

_She tried to smile,_

_but looked away._

_Oh, but I could see the tears were running_

_down her face._

Mary-Jane finally answered him. "I married you because I loved you more than anything else and I thought you felt the same way about me." Peter looked into her beautiful green eyes, searchingly. "Of course I did! And still do! More than life itself."

She sighed and pulled away from him and returned to drying the dishes. "Then nothing should be more important, nothing should keep you out all night, with me worrying about whether or not I'll ever see you again."

_She said,_

"_You go to work,_

_you pay the bills._

_I stay at home,_

_and I make the meals._

He cringed, realizing what she was getting at. "We've been through this a million times Mary-Jane. Yousaid you would understand. I have to keep a decent job to support you, Ben, and May. And I have to keep the city of New York safe. I didn't choose this responsibility."

MJ nodded, trying not to cry too hard. "Responsibility. Responsibility to what, Peter? What about your responsibilities as a father?"

She made him wait for a few minutes as she finished putting the dishes away. Setting the last plate in the cupboard, Mary-Jane leaned back against the counter, studying her husband silently. "I know you didn't choose it. But it's taken you away from me. More and more over the years, I've watched you drift and wonder what really matters to you now."

_But you don't even know who I am anymore._

_You're a million miles away,_

_though I see you every day._

Peter started to protest but she held up her hand, straining to keep her voice steady. "Ben and May are grown and gone now. You could never make it to their school plays or anything they did because you were always busy."

She shook her head. "And today you should have been home for one of the most important moments of Ben's life. But you weren't. You were out swinging through the streets of New York, looking to save people you had never even met before. Is that fair to give them priority over your own children?"

_And I've been waiting right here_

_oh, for all these years._

_And sometimes I get so lonely,_

_I need to know you love me._

_But do you even know me anymore?"_

Peter ran his hand distractedly through his thinning hair and dared to ask what she was talking about. "What did I miss?" A million excuses were whirling through his mind about why he couldn't make it and promises of being there next time. But they all faded at her next words.

"Ben brought his fiancé home for us to meet her."

_I turned around,_

_to see my son._

_Well I remember his first birthday_

_now he's twenty-one._

_I missed his life._

_I missed it all._

Peter Parker was certain his heart stopped for a moment at that. He was suddenly back with four year old Ben. He and MJ cheered as the little guy finally hit the ball May was throwing to him. Ben's clumsy hands were holding the bat completely wrong, and seven year old May's bad aim didn't really help. Peter walked over to Ben and crouched down, gripping the bat, one hand on either side of his son's.

They swung together. Everyone laughed as it flew off into the distance and MJ went back inside to get another ball, jokingly warning Peter that he had better not hit it again.

_Oh, to him I was a man,_

_just living down the hall._

_He said, "I learned to live_

_without you, Dad._

Then he was getting home late from work. Glancing into May's room, Peter saw her carefully applying some finishing touches to her make up.

May's pale blue gown shimmered almost magically in the light and the darker colored gauze that draped off her shoulder rippled down her back, beginning as a trickling stream and ending in a majestic sapphire waterfall. "You look absolutely beautiful," he told her, smiling proudly at his eighteen year old daughter.

_But I'd give it all,_

_just to have you back._

May turned in surprise when she heard him. Her pretty face was angry, not the expression it should have after receiving such a compliment.

"Where _were_ you today?" she began. "You were supposed to pick me up at two to go get my hair done, but you never showed up."

"Uh – " Peter started.

"And since you had the car, mom couldn't drive me and I had to get a ride with Sarah. Thank goodness she was going, or who knows what I would have done."

Peter knew it would be no use explaining about the fire that he had risked his life in to save a toddler. "You could have just webswung over there," he tried.

May crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "If I had done that, I'd have messed up my hair on the way back and just wasted twenty bucks."

A car horn interrupted her. "Oh, wait. Here comes Drew. See ya, Dad." May did a quick check of herself once in the mirror before hurrying out the door.

_But you don't even know who I am anymore._

_I used to wait at all my games,_

_but still you never came._

Peter watched her go, inwardly kicking himself. Two strikes this week and it was only Friday. He'd already missed Ben's basketball tournament on Tuesday because of some robbery he had stopped. Ben was a freshman now, but it seemed like only last week had been his first day of school. What had happened to his kids? Had they really grown up that fast?

_And I've been waiting right here_

_oh, for all these years._

_For the time you said you'd owe me,_

_I wanted you to show me._

Now he was standing in the kitchen and listening to his wife talk about how long they had planned for this and how many times he had been reminded. She finally realized he wasn't really listening anymore. MJ waved her hand irritably in front of his face. "Peter? Peter, are you even listening to me?"

He jumped back to the present quickly. "Uh, yeah. Sorry MJ, I was just thinking…" his voice trailed off. She eyed him skeptically and groaned.

Peter tried to bring back the conversation that he had killed. "So, is she nice? Her name's Megan, right?"

MJ shook her head in amazement. "Maybe I just have a short temper because it's one o' clock in the morning." She tossed the towel on the counter and began walking into the bedroom. "Oh, by the way. _Melody_ is a very sweet young lady. I'm sure you'll like her…if you're ever around long enough to meet her."

_But do you even know me anymore?"_


End file.
